a need for speed

To be honest this weekend has been a rough one, yet glorious all at the same time. My roommate has been gone all weekend, which creates some extra loneliness in the house. I do like to just hang out at home, but that doesn't last forever because soon I start to feel like the single cat lady who nevers leaves the house. I am also realizing that the cats are all that I talk about in public . . . geesh maybe I am the single cat lady!!

I have enjoyed doing lots of Christmas things like watching movies, wrapping presents, and preparing my Christmas letter. I have decided not to do cookies, which is sad to me but is the best decision. I also enjoyed Laura's 30th birthday party this weekend. I love hanging out with friends who I rarely see, but when I do it's always a great time. They are all so fun and so genuine.

This morning my gratefulness was probably at its highest as I drove to church. I made a compilation of all my favorite Christmas songs and the cd worked in my car (which did not happen last year when I attempted this). And the speed limit is now 45 on most of Eastern . . . this is what I normally drive, but now I can drive without the fear of being pulled over. I do like to drive fast and as I was coming up with a title for this post I am realizing that a lot of my depression these days is a result of my need for speed in life. I have lost my contentment. I want my team to be great NOW, I want to find someone to share my life with NOW, and I want to be full-time in my job NOW! I have utter confidence that these things will happen (I know sometimes I am overly optimistic), but patience has escaped me. I feel like these things are happening all around me (mostly just the second one) and I honestly am having trouble being happy for others. I have always felt that I would be last in everything, but I just don't know how to survive these feelings and the beat downs from Satan. It is honestly SO HARD! I'm grateful for those who I have seen survive this and hope to share the same grace they have. I am grateful that God can rescue me from this as well . . . Thank you Lord for never giving up on us!